Day 38

I am thankful to be Blessed with another day. I have completed my ten things . In two more days I will be 40% of the way there. That is getting closer to half. That is what I think when I see a sale anyway. It sounds better to me.I would not have made it this far without God's help. He is my only source of strength.When ever I try to rely on my own I learn quickly it does not work.

I Practiced my Spanish today and memorized two new words. I am a little over half way through my piano book now and today I finished another one of the books I have been reading and am half through another. I worked on my algebra and am really getting it down. I finished the second half of the sugar oranges today. Mathew really liked his. I did quite a bit of organizing and I worked on more healthy dishes. I did end up making chicken noodle soup out of the fat free noodles I made yesterday. They were pretty good but they could have been just a little thinner.

I am still really happy I tried this experiment. Even when I have rough days I can get it done. Not that I always feel like it, but I have learned not to rely on my feelings for anything. I did that for too long. Sometimes our feelings can take us down a long dark path in our mind. I remember when I had Cancer surgery and I was laying in my bed and everything they tried to give me for pain made me really sick. I could not sit up because everything hurt and it would put pressure on the drain tube coming out of my chest which would send pain past all my nerves and that made it hard to push the button for anything or to get a nurse to bring me a blanket when I was freezing and I was right next to the window. Those thin little blankets just don't cut it .

I could feel my lungs filling with fluid and I was starting to feel like I was gargling when I would breathe. I was certain I would not make it out of there alive and for some reason God must have abandoned me. I felt like I was in a black hole and I felt despair like I had never known. I tried to think of the positive things said to me before hand and scripture I had read, and all those that prayed over me but sometimes when your pain is so bad you can't think of anything but surviving the pain at that very moment.

 The nurses told me I could not leave unless I was able to get up and walk around the hall. I thought they might as well have asked me to walk to China. I wanted to go home and lay in my own bed so bad. At about 11:00 one night I stared out the window and started praying and I said I am not going to die in here. I knew God was not done with me yet and I put on my slippers and held on to my side and walked down the hall. My muscles had been divided and all my organs had been pushed up so it felt like everything inside was falling. The nurses looked surprised to see me but they cheered me on as I walked like I was taking my first step. Even though I would never want to go through that again, I have learned things I would not have learned otherwise and I look at life different because of it. I have also learned God will use any situation to mold us into the person he created us to be so that we can fulfill the call he has on our life.

Shout for joy,  O heavens;  rejoice , O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on the afflicted ones. But Zion said, " The LORD has forsaken me, the LORD has forgotten me,"  Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me.  ISAIAH 49:13-16